I met Jonathan through work and we just clicked and became really good friends. People kept asking when we’d get together but it really wasn’t like that, we just got along really well and had loads in common.
However, recently I’ve found myself thinking about him in a different way. I’ve loved him as a friend for ages but now I am sure I’ve fallen in love with him. I’ve tried giving it some time to see if it was just a crush but these feelings just won’t go away. If anything they’re getting stronger. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, but I can’t go on like this. How do I tell my best friend that I’m in love with him?
SMITH SOLVES IT:
Hi and thanks for emailing in your question.
You may be surprised at how many people are affected by similar situations. It happens all the time and why wouldn’t it? Best friends by definition care about each other and enjoy spending time together so it’s natural to wonder what it would be like to take the relationship to another level.
Before you put your heart on the line, I’d suggest taking some time to consider signs that your friend may feel the same way. This can be tricky as physical contact can be innocent to some but can be perceived as flirting or inviting intimacy to others. Contemplate how your friend acts around you and think about whether or not he acts the same way around his other friends. If he acts differently around you it may just be that he feels the same.
Strong friendships are built on trust so when you tell your friend how you feel it’s important to be completely honest with him and give him time to process your feelings towards him. He may need some time and space to deal with your revelation so don’t push him for answers.
If it turns out your feelings are not reciprocated then try not to feel as though you’ve been let down by your friend. After all, romance was never part of the deal and you’re the one that’s moving the goalposts. Take some time to deal with your friend’s response and move on from it.
Don’t think you risk everything by telling him how you feel. You may find that as a result of your honesty and the depth of feeling you have for each other, even if he doesn’t feel the same way your friendship may end up becoming even stronger.