I’ve recently found out that my husband has been having an affair. He swears it’s all over and that he loves me and won’t do anything like it again. Since it has been out in the open he’s been very attentive and apologetic and seems to truly regret what he did. I still love him and want our marriage to work. But the thing is, I’m not sure I can trust him anymore and I don’t want to be one of those wives who always needs to know where her husband is and who he’s with. At the same time, I know that it would break my heart if he ever cheated on me again. Can I trust him again?
SMITH SOLVES IT:
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Infidelity is a huge betrayal and I can understand why you are feeling wary about trusting your husband again in the future. And as you seem to already know, marriages will rarely work if both partners can’t fully trust each other.
If your husband is keen to save your marriage then that is a good sign. The more effort he is willing to put in to rescue the relationship, the more likely it is that he genuinely wants to make it work. However, if he baulks at the thought of spending time sorting through your issues, then it may be a sign that he is not 100% committed.
Plenty of couples do get past an affair and go on to have an even stronger relationship but it’s worth noting that this doesn’t usually come easily. You both need time to process what has happened and decide how you want to progress. A couple’s counsellor can be a great help in focussing both of your thoughts and giving you an outlet to talk to each other about how you feel.
In the end, only you can determine whether or not you can trust your husband. Take things slowly and, if you really want the marriage to work despite what he’s done, give him some time to rebuild the trust you had in him.
Whatever you decide, I hope things work out well for you in the future and that you’re able to get past this betrayal.