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Am I a control freak?

am i a control freak
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What is a control freak?

So-called ‘control freaks’ rarely know that they are a control freak. They simply believe things are better done their way and that everyone will benefit from their input, or criticism.They have an overwhelming need and desire to be in control of the people and situations around them – that is more so than normal.For example, thinking you are right in every situation is not unusual so am I a control freak?It’s the inability to accept that others have a different perspective which may also be right that puts people in the ‘control freak’ category.

Three types of control freak

People usually fit into one of three types, those who do not bother with or interfere with anyone else, those who are only concerned about their loved ones and may therefore try and give them advice and those who are bothered with mostly everyone.

The second type will find it easy to agree to disagree, leaving their friends and family free to make their own decisions. The third type, however, struggles to accept any sort of disagreement and may express anger and frustration if things do not go the way they wanted them to.

Some theories believe controlling behaviours are really symptoms of deep-rooted anxieties and pressures to perform in a high stress world. Rather than tackle this irrational thinking, some people attempt to control the situation, which usually involves the control of others.

Relationships with controlling people can be difficult as they always want everything to be the way they think it should be. They often pick on minor, insignificant details and blow them out of all proportion; probably because they can’t handle the fact that something has not gone the way they had expected.

Other behaviours which may result in someone being deemed a control freak include:

  • Wanting to control the behaviour of everyone around them.
  • Being very dominating and wanting everything done their way.
  • Wanting everyone to listen only to them.
  • Needing everything to be perfect and thinking only they know how to achieve this.
  • Interfering with others; correcting and directing them in everything they do.
  • Inability to trust others with tasks due to fears that they won’t be able to do it as well.
  • Feelings of anger, frustration and disappointment if things don’t meet their expectations.
  • Knowing people are afraid of their anger and using this to their advantage.
  • In serious cases control freaks may throw and break things, or even physically hurt someone.

am i a control freak

Are you a control freak?

If some of these traits sound familiar, the first step to controlling the control freak in you is to accept the situation. Then you need to consider why you need to be in control all the time. It could be something very deep-rooted, such as a troublesome childhood or devastating experience that threw your life into disarray.Finding the reason may help put some perspective on why you are the way you are.

For many people the controlling behaviour is a way of trying to protect themselves from further devastation taking place. But the belief that others are always wrong and that everything should be decided by you, needs to be changed. You have to realise that others should be free to have their own thoughts and opinions and to live life their own way.

Changing your thinking to new beliefs such as ‘what will be, will be’ or ‘the only thing you can control in a situation is yourself’ may help you to let go of the need to control everything and to deal with people and situations more positively.

Other tips for overcoming controlling behaviours include being realistic about your expectations of others, accepting that life is full of unknowns and taking responsibility for your own happiness.Working to improve yourself, instead of trying to control others, will result in healthier relationships both at home and at work.

Dealing with a control freak?

If someone you know is a control freak, being patient is probably the best way to deal with them. Sometimes a control freak will not even realise or understand that they are controlling so politely telling them that you want to handle something yourself or that you have another opinion on the matter, may help to point this out to them. Talk to them about how their behaviour affects you and makes you feel. It may take time for them to make changes, especially if they’ve been used to getting everything their own way for a long time.

 

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About Linda Ram

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