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Are You Controlling

Are You Controlling

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Hands up those of us that have a secret or not so secret control freak aspect to their personality?! The reality is that this is a very common human characteristic; one that pops out for many of us during times of stress and strain and one that, left unchecked, can cause difficulties in family and relationship life. The good news though is that it is also one that given a little attention and understanding, can be softened and soothed into an affectionate quirk, rather than an intimidating and dominating character trait!

What is overwhelming us?

The need to be in control usually rears its head when something is threatening to overwhelm us. Times when life throws a few curve balls in quick succession are classic for the control monster in us to step into the driving seat. Typically, this aspect of our personality will be impatient, demanding, and bossy! There will be an air of uptightness about us, those around us will pick up a mile off and it’s during these times that we lose things, have accidents and forget important dates in our diaries.

Are You Controlling

What does it mean?

These controlling tendencies are really saying to us, slow down, take some deep breaths and tune into what is going on inside. Most of the time we zip on through life believing in one way or another, that we are in control and it’s only when we hit a barrier that these familiar defence patterns re-establish themselves. Once we’ve taken time out and investigated a little deeper into what is really going on, we will realize that ninety nine times out of a hundred there is something that we are frightened of underneath our feelings of control. Fear is the most primitive of our emotions, sitting right at the bottom of the reptilian part of our brain and when it is alerted, it sends signals of fight or flight through the whole of our physical system.

What is the cause?

Slowing down enough to identify the cause of the fear is essential in order to reign in the sergeant major behaviour. It might be a situation outside of us that is scary, or it might be feelings inside that feel threatening for some reason. Whatever the trigger is, we will catch it and be able to change it a lot earlier if we start to recognise our controlling behaviour as important information that is signalling a warning of fear to us.





About Jenny Smith

About Jenny Smith

Jenny Smith is a freelance writer and facilitator specialising in mental health, well-being and ecotherapy. She writes for National Mind and The Working Parent and facilitates training in the Work that Reconnects and Ecotherapy. She is inspired by nature, gardening, love and non-duality teachings

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