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Choosing to be child free

choosing to be childfree

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If you’ve recently got married, moved in with your partner or have reached a certain age, you might be experiencing some awkward questions about when you plan to have children. But what if you don’t ever want to have a baby? Having kids isn’t for everyone but some people just don’t understand the decision not add to your family unit.

Here are some of the most common comments you might hear and how to address them.

“You’ll change your mind”

This one often comes from people who already have children and can’t understand why you wouldn’t want to make the same life choices that they have. Rather than taking you seriously they presume you just haven’t reached the right stage in your life yet. There isn’t much you can say to this other than reiterating the fact that no actually, you won’t change your mind.

If you choose to be sterilised you may face difficulties with doctors being unwilling to refer you or perform the procedure. Most will be well meaning and follow your wishes once they realise you are certain about undergoing the procedure. It may take some time but remember it’s your body and your decision.

“Some people can’t have children”

While this is a sad and very true fact, it doesn’t mean you should have kids because they are unable to. You’re in charge of your own life and can make decisions based on what is best for you and your partner, not someone else. If another person wanted to make another life-changing decision but found they couldn’t, you wouldn’t be expected to do it in their place and having children is no different.

choosing to be childfree

“But we want grandchildren!”

The guilt trip from parents can often be the worst comments to deal with. Of course you don’t want to hurt them but you can’t have kids just because they would like a weekly visit! Calmly explain your reasons for not wanting children and once you’ve explained leave it at that. Try not to get into discussions about it over and over again. You’re a grown adult now and you don’t have to do everything your parents wish, especially not something that will change your life so dramatically.

“I want children”

Whether you’re in a relatively new relationship or you’ve already discussed the fact you don’t want children, there may come a time when your partner feels ready to have a baby. Again, you shouldn’t feel forced or obliged to have children to keep someone else happy. Unfortunately, this might lead to the end of the relationship, but in the end you’ll find someone who shares your views and wants to live the same lifestyle you do.

More people than ever are choosing to be child free, yet others still feel it’s acceptable to question their choices. Women in particular seem to bear the brunt of the attention as if it’s their natural role to have babies and nurture them into adulthood. However, not all women (or men for that matter) get broody and that’s okay.






About Maria Brett

About Maria Brett

Maria is a freelance writer with over 10 years' experience producing content for a variety of publications and websites. When not working or looking after her two gorgeous sons, she can usually be found playing flugelhorn in a brass band, helping out at her local hospital radio station, shouting at the television while watching Formula 1, at the cinema or plonked on the couch with a cold glass of wine.

Website: Maria Brett

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