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Dating after divorce

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Where do I start?

The end of marriage is an emotional time for all concerned, a legal line in the sand that somehow seals the finality of a separation.  Once the dust has settled you may find yourself ready to start dating again, but perhaps you are unsure about where to start – use our guide to dating after divorce to help you find your feet again:

Take your time

Knee-jerk reacting into dating in the hope of boosting your confidence can be a mistake.  Dating will go a long way to reassuring you that you are still desirable, but starting to date before you are emotionally strong enough to cope with all that may entail can do you more harm than good in the long run.

Your time may be better invested in building your self-esteem.  Try setting yourself some small, achievable goals, and working towards them.  A few successes under your belt will improve your self-image and help to erase any feelings of failure from the divorce that you may be carrying.

Reflect on the past

Reflect, but don’t dwell.  Trying to identify what went wrong in your marriage will help you to avoid and manage similar issues in the future, and rebuild your self-esteem at the same time.   Counselling can be very valuable at this stage, as it gives you safe, non-judgemental environment in which to explore your feelings and experiences.  Accepting who you are now will set you off on the right path to a brighter future.

Embrace your baggage!

Many divorcees shy away from dating because they fear either their own emotional baggage, or the issues a new partner may bring.  This a great shame – even though your marriage ended, the experiences it gave you, good and bad, have made you who you are.

Being strong enough to face the life change that divorce brings is something to be proud of, and your baggage is an integral part of that.  The same goes for your potential new partners.  If they have experienced adversity and come through, you know that they are able to cope with difficult situations positively, and can be someone you are able to count on.  That can be a very attractive and reassuring quality.

Besides, baggage in the form of children, for example, is not something you or a new partner can hide from, so choose to embrace it instead and make the most of your new-found positivity.

dating after divorce

Self-esteem boosters

There are many things you can do for yourself to help your self-esteem, but doing things for others is an often overlooked approach that can really boost your confidence and sense of well being.  It is a proven fact that those who volunteer to help others have some of the lowest levels of depression of any social group.  Volunteering will make you feel good about yourself, bring new people into your life, and give you something wonderful to talk about on your dates!

Make a start

Little steps go a long way.  You will never find a date if you constantly avoid being in the places where you may meet people.  Being proactive is the only solution.  Online dating can also be a simple and effective way to meet new partners, and removes the initial worry of how to get talking.

Placing too much pressure on yourself won’t help, so  initially aim just to increase your chances of securing a date, and concentrate separately on building up your own confidence in other areas, and you’ll find that your chances of meeting someone new improve naturally.

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About Cally Worden

About Cally Worden

Seasoned freelance writer Cally Worden lives with her family and dog in a quiet corner of rural France. A love of the outdoors, and a fascination with her children's ability to view life with fresh eyes provide the inspiration for much of her work. Cally writes regularly for various websites and UK print publications on subjects as diverse as parenting, travel, lifestyle, and business, and anything that makes her smile.

Website: Cally Worden

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