Written by: Shani Fowler
The dating scene can always feel a bit daunting, even nerve racking – all that getting to know someone again. And you can feel even more exposed when there are children involved as everything has to balance perfectly. Whether your children are young and at home or whether they have flown the nest, the kids come part of the overall package. Below we offer a few tips for dating survival for the single mums out there:-
Searching for love
There never feels like there are enough hours in a day, so when you are ready to try to find love again you wonder where you are going to fit it in. Many single mums use internet dating sites. You can fit in searches around times that suit you best that way. Maybe when the kids are in bed or when they have an afternoon nap, or if they have left home opt for a time when you know they aren’t going to be around to try and take over proceedings for you!
Many sites now have an app you can download to your phone so you can catch a glimpse of a prospective love from your sofa whilst catching up with the soaps!
Many out there
At one time dating agencies seemed a bit ‘lonely hearts’ but not anymore. Dating agencies are the way forward for many people. There are a lot of lovely people out there, like you, that are also seeking love; people who either cannot get out to search for love due to family commitments, work ties or a variety of other reasons. Many of those with children are likely to love kids too so what’s to stop you at least giving it a go?
Put yourself first for once
We get used to being the last in the line for everything and probably don’t really think anything about it anymore, but this time is yours! Immerse yourself in a little ‘me time’. Don’t attend your dates worrying if the kids are stuffing crayons up granddad’s nose whilst he naps, get on and enjoy your dates and talk about yourself, what you like, what you do, how you feel about things. It’s not often we get people to take a genuine interest in us so lap it up!
Don’t settle for safe
Just because for the first time in ages someone shows you a little attention and they seem safe, don’t settle for it if it isn’t really floating your boat. It’s easy when you haven’t been dating for a while, to try and grab someone because they partly fit the bill. Hold out for someone special and fun someone who can tick all the important boxes – you deserve the best for you and for your children.
See where friendship leads
When you go on a date try to view it initially as making a friend and seeing where it will lead. Try not to think this is ‘the one’ and there is marriage on the cards. You could make yourself appear desperate. Go out and have fun! Don’t turn up in your wedding frock and veil, questioning their preference as to summer/winter weddings!
Whilst you don’t want to spend your date rattling on about each other’s exes, the subject is bound to pop up. Be honest with your date about where you are with an ex and also try to establish where they are with theirs. You don’t want to fall head over heels, introduce the newbie to your kids only to realise they are desperately in love with their former partner and are likely to be heading back to them any time soon.
Dating as a single mum is different to dating as a single person. You need to be able to fit the time for finding love around the kids and make sure you get what you want whilst knowing that the kids will love them too. It is not always likely to work out on the first date or even the second, but be certain in knowing that you are taking positive steps towards finding new love and things should eventually come together. Enjoy the ride to your destination.