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Getting over a partners infidelity

getting over a partners infidlity

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A cheating partner

A partner cheating can be one of the most traumatic experiences you go through in life. You may have preconceived ideas of how we will react or claim that if anyone cheated on you, you would never forgive them. But until you have been in that situation, it’s difficult to know for sure exactly how you will deal with it and how you’ll move forward with your life.


Getting over a partners  infidelity is life changing, whether the relationship ends after or whether you choose to stay together. The circumstances surrounding the infidelity may decide whether you stay together. Was it just a one off drunken night? Where they going through emotional difficulties or experiencing mental health issues? Was it an affair over a long period of time or with someone you knew and trusted? There is no right or wrong types of infidelity but the circumstances in which it occurred may impact on how you choose to move on.

It might be that your spouse wants to end the relationship with you or they may feel genuinely sorry they have cheated and seek forgiveness in the hope you can stay together. Regardless, you will still go through the same intense emotions of anger, hatred, jealousy, betrayal, and confusion. Why did they cheat? Do they not love me anyone? How could they hurt me so much? Why is this other person better than me? You may be so overcome with emotion to take it out on those around you or become violent towards your partner and their lover.  These feelings are normal and you will begin to deal with them after you’ve got over the initial shock.

Time heals

Once you’ve found out the devastating news, your life will change and you’ll start to accept what has happened. If your partner is no longer around you, serving as a constant reminder of the pain they’ve caused, you will begin to heal quicker. Even if you hope to forgive them, some time alone to grieve and come to terms with the situation, will help you stabilise. You may have gotten over the intense feeling of anger and pain if your spouse has apologised or given you some form of explanation; they may have promised never to cheat again, tell you how much you mean to them and ask for a second chance. While you can’t undo what has been done, you can decide whether you want to end the relationship or try and forgive.

getting over a partners infidelity

All change

If you end the relationship, your life will fundamentally change. You may have to sell your home, move out, reconsider your finances, and face the prospect of eventually dating and starting a new relationship again. If you have children you’ll also need to think about the effect this will have on them. While no child wants to be stuck in the middle of arguing parents in a volatile relationship, the impact of parents splitting up can have an equally devastating blow on children, so their needs and feelings will also be taken into consideration. Remember, if they know their parent has cheated on the other, they too may feel just as hurt and betrayed that their parent has put the family in this predicament.

Trying again

If you want to continue with your relationship, you might go through a wave of happiness now that you still have your partner with you, they’ve chosen you, that your relationship will continue and there won’t be any great changes in your life. But you must accept your relationship will never be the same as it was before, not necessarily worse, but different.

You may go through a second wave of anger and betrayal after deciding to forgive your partner and memories of the cheating will suddenly emerge at unexpected moments such as during a romantic meal or in the bedroom. One day you may feel you’ve dealt with your feelings, the next you might find you’re constantly reminded of the hurt they’ve caused and wonder if you can ever trust them again. You may want to go to marriage counselling together to talk through your feelings and start to re built trust. You may decide after addressing the issue, to draw a line under it and never bring it up in arguments or use as a weapon during a row, or you may try and move forward but ultimately decide you just can’t get over such an event.

Whether you continue with your relationship or end it is a decision only you can make. You may find it harder to trust or fear it will happen again, but with the support of friends and family and sense of empowerment that you’ve come through this, you’ll eventually move on, either with or without your partner.



About Rebecca Robinson

About Rebecca Robinson

After spending the last 8 years juggling life as a mum of two, wife and working full time as a Project Manager for a global telecommunications company, Rebecca Robinson made the decision to follow her love of writing and took the plunge; turning her passion into a full time career. Since becoming a full time writer, Rebecca has worked with various media and copy-writing companies and with the ability to make any topic relevant and interesting to the reader, now contributes to The Working Parent on articles ranging from credit cards to teenage relationships. Ever the optimist, Rebecca's dreams for the future include a house in the country filled with children, dogs and horses in the field!

Website: Rebecca Robinson

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