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Have you grown up emotionally

Have you grown up emotionally
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Over the last few decades, there has been an outpouring of material to help people recognise their emotions and learn to express them more clearly. The phrase ‘emotional intelligence’ is now becoming a fairly mainstream phrase, which has a certain amount of value attached to it. Not only on an individual level, also in places of work and education. Emotional maturity is being recognised as something that is essential, if you want to make a real difference in both your personal experience of life and in your relationships with others.

Emotional Maturity

So what does this actually involve? In a nutshell, emotional maturity means recognising you and only you are responsible for how you feel. Even when it feels like others can manipulate you, causing you all sorts of emotional suffering, emotional maturity teaches you to be aware of your personal responses and refrain from all reactions that cause you pain. This way of looking at our emotional lives only applies to adults.

We All Have Choices

Children are in a very different style of relationship; they are completely dependant on those around them. Adults on the other hand have more choices available to them, even when they think they don’t. This gives adults the ability to do the emotional work necessary, to take full responsibility for their feelings.

Changing Your Perspective

Becoming aware of how you feel and how you react to others around you is the first step towards growing up emotionally. Shifting your perspective away from blaming others, to taking responsibility for your reactions is an exposing, at times painful, but liberating process. The simple step of letting go of the statement ‘ you make me feel….’ and replacing it with ‘I notice that I feel…’ puts your in the driver seat of your emotional life, moving you out of victim and into observer.

Be Responsible For You

Have you grown up emotionallyThis is big grown up work! Most, if not all of us have been sold the line, ‘one day our prince / princess will come and take care of us’, making us feel safe and secure for the rest of our days! Sadly this isn’t going to happen! And the earlier we can accept this the better. It is not usually an overnight process to move from wanting someone else to do the emotional work, to doing it ourselves. The path is best trod carefully and kindly with patience along the way.

Empower Your Kid’s

Letting go of blaming others is not the same thing as letting go of healthy boundaries in a relationship. If you experience anyone being a bully in any way, then it is still absolutely right to name it and do something about it. Make time to reflect on this regularly, notice how often you want someone else to make it all right for you and step by step start taking that responsibility back for yourself. Modelling this to your children could be one of the most important subliminal messages that they get from your behaviour, through watching you they will learn to become an empowered and self-responsible adult.

 

 

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About Jenny Smith

About Jenny Smith

Jenny Smith is a freelance writer and facilitator specialising in mental health, well-being and ecotherapy. She writes for National Mind and The Working Parent and facilitates training in the Work that Reconnects and Ecotherapy. She is inspired by nature, gardening, love and non-duality teachings

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