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How co-parenting works

how co-parenting works
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How Do You Make It Work?

A divorce is a painstaking and difficult process to go through, and can make life with children hard to arrange, and when you come through the other end of it then being forced to see that person who you associate with so much pain can be tough. When it’s all settled and you start your new lives it’s important to remember the children you had together still need the stability and the quality time of a valuable relationship with both parents. If you can work through the negative emotions to allow the children to have an enriching relationship with both parents then the benefits can be long ranging and invaluable, the children will ultimately grow to appreciate the effort you both put in to making time for them.

Consider the kids needs

Whether one parent has sole custody or you share the time 50/50, you can make time to do things together for the kids, for example going to parents evening together, by making the effort to go and see your child’s teacher together you are showing a solidarity in your parenting and show your children you both still care. If there is ever a time you get called in to school to talk to your teacher about something the child has done then make sure you go together and talk to the child as a parental unit instead of separately giving conflicting views. When you are sharing the physical care of children, make sure you share out the homework and both of you take time to sit with them and work on it, your child will benefit from the quality time with both of you and you probably have varying skill sets that will see the work from different points of view.

Don’t use the children as an information tool

Day trips and times out are important for children, make sure you talk to your ex about appropriate days out and where they should go, try to avoid disagreements by just taking the time to talk to each other about what you’re doing, a simple phone call or a chat on the door step when picking them up. You always need to be on hand to pick up that phone, it can be hard when you see their name pop up on the screen and the last thing you want to do is hear that voice but chances are they are telling you something important.

how co-parenting works

Don’t ever use the children to get information about your ex, and don’t involve them in the causes of the split, too many parents talk to the kids about their mum or dad in a negative way in an attempt to win them over, it’s wrong and will end up destroying your relationship with them. The same applies if your ex finds someone new, it may be heart breaking for you at first but you should not talk to your kids about how your feel about them, what matters is how your children feel when they are there. You may hate your ex-husband’s new supermodel girlfriend with a passion, but if she makes him happy, and he’s happier with the kids, and she is good with them, surely it can only be a positive. If your child starts asking questions, like why aren’t you together anymore, then that’s a conversation you need to have together, sit down and decide how you will approach the subject and then talk to your child together, make sure they understand they will still have both of you.

Keeping the children relaxed

Try to remember that allowing your children to share the same quality time with your ex as they would have enjoyed were you still living together will help them to be more relaxed about the break up and will eventually lead to them being more accepting of the new family situation. Now you are separated try not to argue in front of the children, make sure if you make arrangements you stick to them and always make sure you communicate with each other however you find it easier to do so. Some parents are very lucky, they find that they get on better now than they did when they were living together and it’s great for the kids to see you getting on, but if you can’t get to that point then try to make it as normal as possible for the children while they are growing up.

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About Steven Petter

About Steven Petter

Steve has three children, Connor, Harmony-Skye and Fletcher. He is a Martial Arts enthusiast as well as an avid reader of books about Philosophy, he began writing short stories and also writes music reviews.

Website: Steven Petter

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