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How to be a social butterfly


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Imagine being able to enter any social gathering with grace and style, comfortable and confident in yourself and able to chat and make friends with ease. Welcome to the world of the social butterfly! We all know someone like this, and marvel at their ability to just “fit-in”. If social awkwardness is more your style (and trust me, you’re not alone here!), then here are a few things to show you how to be a social butterfly

Think like a Butterfly

Half-hearted attempts will simply not work when you are seeking to enhance your social presence. This is something you have to really want, deep inside. Committing to change is the first step to making it happen, but you have to mean it. You have to own it. Anything less, and your subconscious will quickly bring you down with a bump, taking your fragile ego with it.

So Step 1 is to think about what becoming a social butterfly will mean to you, and why you want it so much. Make that your goal, and broker a deal in your mind to change your behaviour so you can achieve it. Thinking positively can make an enormous difference to your confidence.  A large part of that is learning to like yourself and when you are comfortable with who you are inside it makes the outside world somehow less scary. Once you’ve altered you mindset, you’re ready to go public.

Set Realistic Goals for Yourself

Releasing your inner butterfly is not something that will happen overnight, so don’t imagine that just thinking about being fabulous and fluffy will instantly transform you – it’s a more subtle process, and more powerful for that – Give it time!

Start small, and bask in the glow of a series of small but nonetheless significant victories. Depending on how socially “out there” you are to begin with, aim to build on your own personal ground zero. If you never talk to anyone at parties, aim to chat with two people for five minutes. Strike one, a victory! If you are already a reasonable mingler, set your goal a little higher, and perhaps aim to exchange social network details with a couple of new friends. Choose a goal that makes you comfortable, but also forces you to step outside your cosy cocoon for a time.

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

I’m sure that is the title of a famous self-help book by Susan Jeffers. In fact I know I’ve read it, and the contents make a lot of sense. The essence of fighting fear is to put it in perspective. Consider these 3 points:

  • Most people, no matter how confident they appear, fear rejection or embarrassment in a social situation.
  • What’s the worst that can happen?  So you inadvertently offend a total stranger, or spill wine down someone’s dress.  Really, in the grand scheme of things when you are talking with people you’ve only just met issues like these are small beer. In the unlikely event that the person you offend is actually pretty important in your life (such as the boss, for example), the sure, you’ll feel bad, but you’re not going to die. Seriously, keep things real.
  • Who really cares?  Most people going home from a party are only really concerned with how they came across themselves and couldn’t give two hoots about you. Self-absorption in others is your friend – it removes you from their spotlight.

Don’t Try Too Hard

Being genuine is the best possible approach you can take in social situations. Trying to be something or someone you are not will be spotted a mile off, and it won’t go down well. If people don’t like and accept you for who you are, then they are probably not worth worrying about anyway. Be yourself.

Do your Homework

social butterfly)Observation is a great way to see how other people behave in certain situations. Confident people tend to be quite steady, and unhurried. Those seeking to impress too much can come across as brash and loud. Watching the behaviours of the social butterfly can give you ideas on how to manage your own comportment in a social situation to achieve the success that they are enjoying.

Doing a little online research on body language and eye contact can also boost your confidence. Being a social butterfly is partly about reading how other people are responding to you, and adapting your own behaviour to suit.

If you don’t feel too comfortable talking about yourself, then learn to ask questions and make small talk. Take note of how others engage with you – initial social conversations often involve a series of “finding out about you” type questions, or discussions about what is going on around you. Notice what these questions are, remember to ask them, and think in advance of how you could respond to them.

Don’t Judge People from Afar

Appearances can be deceiving, and you simply cannot get to know someone without talking to them. Be interested in people, and it makes you interesting yourself. If you don’t like what you discover after chatting with a person, then politely move on.

If you put these social butterfly techniques into practice the best result will be when you suddenly find yourself at a party one day and realise that you are soaring without even realising it. Give it a go – you may be surprised at how much you enjoy yourself!




About Cally Worden

About Cally Worden

Seasoned freelance writer Cally Worden lives with her family and dog in a quiet corner of rural France. A love of the outdoors, and a fascination with her children's ability to view life with fresh eyes provide the inspiration for much of her work. Cally writes regularly for various websites and UK print publications on subjects as diverse as parenting, whatsapp plus,travel, lifestyle, and business, and anything that makes her smile.

Website: Cally Worden

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