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Life After a Miscarriage

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Losing a baby during pregnancy can be a devastating experience. The grief that follows is all too real, and a great deal of support will be needed to help you through the painful days and weeks that follow. Miscarriages are generally not random events – they happen for a reason, and most occur because of abnormalities in the foetus or embryo, or its inability to implant in the uterus. It is a sort of natural selection process, which helps to prevent many poorly babies being born.

A miscarriage can occur at any time during pregnancy, but is most common in the first trimester. These early miscarriages are in fact quite common, but that does not lessen the emotional and physical impact, particularly when a pregnancy has been long awaited.

Losing a baby through miscarriage later in pregnancy can be especially hard to bear. Your body will take several weeks to recover physically and hormonally, and you will have had to experience the trauma of delivering your baby in the most tragic of circumstances. It can feel as if the pain will never leave you, and the loss and emptiness you feel will never go away.

upset woman after miscarriage

How you may be feeling after a miscarriage

Having a miscarriage can lead you into a process of grieving that is akin to that experienced when you lose a member of your family or a close friend. It is vital to your long-term mental and emotional well-being that you allow yourself to grieve in whatever way is necessary for you. Some of the feelings that are typically experienced in grief are as follow:

• Guilt – the vast majority of miscarriages are spontaneous, and early miscarriages are sadly quite common. It is very unlikely that you miscarried as a result of your own actions, and so you have nothing to feel guilty about

• Anger – your anger may be directed inwards at yourself, or outwards towards family members and friends. It is okay to be angry, even if no-one is to blame. It is a natural grief response

• Sorrow – the feelings of sadness can seem overwhelming when you are grieving, and you may imagine that you will never feel happy again. All your hopes and happiness around your pregnancy have been cruelly snatched away from you, and this leaves a gaping hole that the sadness fills

• Numbness – the mundanities of life, like eating and sleeping, can seem pointless

Woman upset and depressed

All of these emotions, and any others you feel, are a natural and very normal reaction to a loss. Although it may not seem like it, going through this emotional trauma puts you on the path to healing. Allow yourself to experience these feelings, and make no excuses for them. The loss you have suffered is devastating and there is no magic healing powder to make you feel okay again. Your body, and your mind will get there in their own time.

What is important is not to withdraw too far into yourself, as this can lead to a deep depression that can be difficult to escape from. Talk to your partner, or anyone else you feel comfortable with, and remind yourself that you are not alone, and you are not to blame.

Will you be able to conceive again?

Most women who miscarry and try again can go on to successfully conceive and carry a healthy baby to term. For a few, the miscarriage may have been a sign of underlying problems which may need further investigation. However, as many as three out of four women who experience even several early miscarriages go on to have a healthy baby, so take heart from the statistics, and when you and your partner feel emotionally and physically ready, try again.

There is no need to wait for your next period before trying, but it may take your body a few months to resettle into a rhythm, so do not be disheartened if it takes a few months to conceive after miscarrying.

Once you have tested pregnant for a second time, you may understandably be concerned about miscarrying again. Try to relax and take it easy when you can, and look after your body by eating healthily. Share your fears with your partner or a support group, and if you are very concerned ask your midwife about the possibility of an early scan. Those first 13 weeks until the normal first scan-day can feel painfully slow whatever your circumstances.

With any miscarriage you need to give yourself time to heal. Support groups, either face-to-face or online can be a fantastic source of help and advice, and also demonstrate in sheer numbers that you are not alone. Accept help from wherever you feel comfortable.

 

 

 

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About Cally Worden

About Cally Worden

Seasoned freelance writer Cally Worden lives with her family and dog in a quiet corner of rural France. A love of the outdoors, and a fascination with her children's ability to view life with fresh eyes provide the inspiration for much of her work. Cally writes regularly for various websites and UK print publications on subjects as diverse as parenting, travel, lifestyle, and business, and anything that makes her smile.

Website: Cally Worden

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