Written by: Steven Petter
A Man’s Perspective
I’m ideally suited to this subject as I am indeed, a man, and as a man I can confirm the suspicions of all the women who are reading this, men don’t like talking about how they feel, in fact nine times out of ten we’re not even aware of how we feel, so when the possibility of talking about how we feel to a stranger comes around, a think we’d rather do the ironing.Relationship counselling is a scary business to us men so be patient please!
Talking’s not easy
Emotions are far ranging and complex with almost innumerable possibilities, and women like to get together and chat about them, it’s part of the daily ritual and that is often the cause for some discomfort amongst the male population as your special lady may often want you to talk about how you feel too. That discomfort can often grow into unhappiness in a relationship, often because women assume that because a man won’t openly discuss his feelings then he must have something to hide, he doesn’t, and in an attempt to salvage some positivity from the emotional wreckage there is the option of attending Relationship Counselling, which is probably where all the men just stopped reading. But why does it have to be¬† such a negative experience?
Is a stranger easier to talk to?
Talking to someone you don’t know about your emotions has got to be easier then talking to the person you live with about them. Put in simple terms men fear what emotions can do, in an archetypal relationship where man is strong and must protect woman, then emotions can be seen as weakness, the first time you live with a woman and you find her crying in the bathroom, you run to her and hold her, you ask her what’s wrong and she says she can’t fit into her favourite jeans anymore, you witness the power emotions can have.
Here’s an eye-opener for you ladies, men believe themselves to be rational thinking beings that believe reason rules emotion, men also believe that women are emotional beings who favour emotion over reason. This leads us to another deeper fear, the fear that in your emotional mind, the counsellor will uncover some deep emotional reason why your relationship isn’t working and that will over rule the rational reasons why it does work, and as we don’t understand this emotional point of view we are powerless to combat it. What’s the other fear, well emotions are the realm of the female, relationship counselling is a study of emotions and therefore the counsellor is likely to be a woman and I will therefore be outnumbered, see how utterly stupid this rationale is?
The simple facts are this, studies show that the proportion of men in society who equate the need to seek emotional counselling with physical and social weakness are more likely to suffer emotional trauma, relationship breakdown and the onset of physical illnesses leading to an earlier death, so where is the rational thinking there? When it comes to analysing the deeper emotion constructs of a relationship we men really have no choice, time for a bubble bath, some candles, a soppy movie and a good cry, because ultimately emotions will win over reason every single time. Failing to stop and consider the emotions you are cultivating in your relationship will harm that relationship and, in time, hurt the person you care most about which in true alpha-male scenario is absolutely the wrong way to go, so time to man up and get talking.