Written by: Caroline Wheeldon-Wright
Trying to conceive can feel overwhelming. If you are experiencing difficulties or things are taking longer than you expected, you can find yourself spiralling into a riot of emotions. Whilst you can’t determine the outcome, there are steps you can take on staying sane when trying to conceive!
You and your partner are in this together so try and support one another. Your levels of strength, tolerance and tenacity will vary so try to catch one another if/when you fall. Think of practical ways to share the burden and so strengthen in facing this together. Talk, listen and share.
Please, don’t blame yourself or your partner, it is fruitless and corrosive. Many of us could write a list of the ways we have neglected our reproductive health. If you had an abortion or medical procedure in the past, then remember you did it for very important reasons at the time. Look to the future rather than searching out who or what might be to blame.
You will experience a myriad emotions. A cathartic approach to this is acknowledgment and acceptance. It is normal to feel anger, ambivalence, envy and anxiety (to name but a few) in just one day whilst trying for a baby! Understanding and accepting that these emotions are part of the process may provide strength. A friend wrote a blog about her experiences and felt a huge emotional lift as she related her feelings, writing may be of benefit to you too.
Two week wait
This can feel agonising. The two week window presents itself with so many opportunities for worry and stress. Is that a twinge indicating my period or is it implantation pains? Instead of spending this time alone waiting for either your period or the chance to take an early pregnancy test, get active. Meet friends, swim, read, go to the cinema…ANYTHING but sitting and waiting.
Love and Sex
Trying for a baby can turn sex into a function or a chore. The days of romantic times with your partner can feel a lifetime away. It is important to talk and connect, go on some dates, have sex for fun and rekindle the passion that may have dwindled.
Take good care of yourself
You may well feel wired during your cycle. Massage, reflexology and exercise can really help. Take care of your body and nurture yourself.
By this I do not mean ‘google’ it. Educate yourself by talking to medical experts. Discuss your odds and maintain a healthy balance of realism and optimism. Perhaps decide how long you are willing to ‘actively’ try and establish your parameters as a couple.
If your period does arrive
I’m sure you may well feel like crawling under your duvet and staying there for the foreseeable future. The realisation that you aren’t pregnant can hit really hard and can last for days/weeks. Nobody expects you to be cheerful but try, if you can, to fight through these feelings and keep going. Despite what is happening, your life is still there for living.
Help and Support
Seek out family and friends as they will want to help and their love and support can be invaluable. Local support groups mean you can meet other people experiencing the same issues as you. No longer will you feel like the only people in the world not to have a baby.
You are not alone and there are counsellors available should you need them. Depression and panic attacks can occur in people trying to conceive, professionals can help you through those difficult emotions and support you into the future.