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Do you argue with your partner about money?

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Money makes the world go round; it is also one of the leading reasons so many couples are divorcing in the UK as well. When you are struggling with debt, redundancy, an unexpected bill or bailiffs at the door, it can be extremely stressful on our relationships and many of us take our frustrations out on those closest to us, our partners. Even when you try and have an adult conversation about money, emotions can often run high and even with all good intentions, the conversation soon turns into an argument. This isn’t uncommon and you certainly aren’t alone if that is the case.

Money issues can stem from childhood experiences

Our relationship with money often stems from childhood and our parents attitude to money. For some, money was a taboo subject; you never asked for it or spoke about it. Money was the forbidden fruit and you may have grown up with the belief that anyone that had lots of money must have received it through underhand dealings and it was the root of all evil. Your parents may have constantly argued over money and if that is the case and you have racked up more than your fair share of credit card debt, then your childhood may be the possible cause of that.

seperation,arguing

In a recent study by the East Carolina University, its reports found that subjects who’s parents used to argue about money, were two times more likely to have more than two credit cards and three times more likely to have a large amount of debt, than those whose parents didn’t argue over money. It was also suggested that because their parents argued over money, they may not feel as comfortable discussing their own finances with them for fear of further tensions and as a result, can end up more in debt.

Different attitudes within the relationship

Many of us also find it difficult to discuss our finances if we have different attitudes on spending. If you value excitement and have a ‘live for today’ attitude, you may think nothing of spending money on life experiences with the justification that ‘you only live once’. However your partner may think more of investing for the future and prefer to use any spare cash to pay off more on the mortgage or put aside in savings. Most of us may have bought that item of clothing in the sale rack that was screaming ‘buy me!’ even when we are strapped for cash. Then when our partner see’s it you say ‘this old thing, I’ve had it ages’. While it might seen like a trivial twenty quid here and there, secret spending can be more damaging that you imagine and usually at a most inconvenient time. It’s been known for couples to apply for joint loans or mortgages and be turned down due to previous debt the other knew nothing about. ‘If they lied about that, what else are they lying about?’ is a question that can be born of secret spending.

Do you argue with your partner about money?

It can also be difficult to discuss money problems when one person in the relationship is ‘the banker’ and has control over the finances. They can feel quite defensive that their grip on the family funds is being called into question or resent the fact they are lumbered with the responsibility while their partner buries their head in the sand.

Arguments about money are very common

If you have found yourself in any of these situations then you aren’t alone. The first step is to start open and honest dialogue with your partner, accept that you are both in this situation together and make a joint decision to develop an action plan with measurable and achievable goals you can both work towards. You should put any bad past financial decisions to one side and focus on changing your future finances.

Compromise?

Learn how to listen to your partner and understand they may not be as good at communicating as you, so avoid getting frustrated with each other, instead be honest and respectful and give each other time to take on board each others thoughts and feelings. Take financial advice from debt help services if you are really struggling and look into ways you can save money, and do it fairly. Don’t suggest cancelling your husbands’ gym membership but look horrified if he suggests you cut down on your hair appointments! Think of how your arguing affects your children and how it may alter their attitude to money and make a conscious effort to talk openly with each other; remember you are a partnership and if you got into financial difficulties together, you can get out of it together too.

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About Rebecca Robinson

About Rebecca Robinson

After spending the last 8 years juggling life as a mum of two, wife and working full time as a Project Manager for a global telecommunications company, Rebecca Robinson made the decision to follow her love of writing and took the plunge; turning her passion into a full time career. Since becoming a full time writer, Rebecca has worked with various media and copy-writing companies and with the ability to make any topic relevant and interesting to the reader, now contributes to The Working Parent on articles ranging from credit cards to teenage relationships. Ever the optimist, Rebecca's dreams for the future include a house in the country filled with children, dogs and horses in the field!

Website: Rebecca Robinson

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