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‘People’s plans for babies are none of your business!’ Facebook post goes viral

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You’ve probably either been asked or have asked questions around plans for a family. For anyone that’s struggling with infertility, grieving a miscarriage or coping with medical issues that have left you unable to have children, these questions can be like taking a bullet. For those who have chosen not to have children or aren’t even sure whether they want any, it can be just plain annoying.

The following Facebook post, which highlights just how inappropriate asking emily bingham2someone about their reproductive plans is, has been shared over 30,000 times, with hundreds commenting and totally agreeing with Emily Bingham, a writer from Michigan.

The post, which was attached to a random ultrasound picture taken from google, reads:

Hey everyone!!! Now that I got your attention with this RANDOM ULTRASOUND PHOTO I grabbed from a Google image search, this is just a friendly P.S.A. that people‘s reproductive and procreative plans and decisions are none of your business. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. Before you ask the young married couple that has been together for seemingly forever when they are finally gonna start a family … before you ask the parents of an only-child toddler when a Little Brother or Little Sister will be in the works … before you ask a single 30-something if/when s/he plans on having children because, you know, clock’s ticking … just stop. Please stop. You don’t know who is struggling with infertility or grieving a miscarriage or dealing with health issues. You don’t know who is having relationship problems or is under a lot of stress or the timing just isn’t right. You don’t know who is on the fence about having kids or having more kids. You don’t know who has decided it’s not for them right now, or not for them ever. You don’t know how your seemingly innocent question might cause someone grief, pain, stress or frustration. Sure, for some people those questions may not cause any fraught feelings — but I can tell you, from my own experiences and hearing about many friends’ experiences — it more than likely does.

Bottom line: Whether you are a wanna-be grandparent or a well-intentioned friend or family member or a nosy neighbor, it’s absolutely none of your business. Ask someone what they’re excited about right now. Ask them what the best part of their day was. If a person wants to let you in on something as personal as their plans to have or not have children, they will tell you. If you’re curious, just sit back and wait and let them do so by their own choosing, if and when they are ready.

Some of the comments stemming from this post have been:

“When someone asks me when I’m having children, I reply asking them how much they earn. When they tell me ‘it’s personal’ I also say ‘yes, it is isn’t it”

“When every anyone tells me I best hurry up and have kids, I go into great details about my Ovarian cysts, ectopic pregnancy, 3 years of trying, 2 rounds of failed IVF and a devastating miscarriage the day before Christmas – they soon shut up”

“My wife of 8 years is continuously asked this, and I can see her cry inside when she has to say ‘oh soon hopefully’ after having gone through endless medical intervention and watch all our friends have children’

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